it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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