i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
