Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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