Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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