I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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