i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
