im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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