It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
