I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
