Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
