marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
