we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i drank out of a bidet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
