my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
