dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
