I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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