and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
