I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
