Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
