either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
