there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
