I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
