yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
