So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
