I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
