we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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