dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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