also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
