I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Shame - the story of my life.
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