I'm lost and stupid without you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
