But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cockslap morals
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
