just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
