90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
