Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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