She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
