I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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