playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like eating out sand paper
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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