You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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