You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
