Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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