I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My life is pants optional.
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