There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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