weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you win again, gameday.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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