Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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