I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
