I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
