I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
