My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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