Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
