how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
