I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
