Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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