she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
