Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
