U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
