Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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