i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
