you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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