Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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