matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
