when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
