I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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