fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
