this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My dick has a subreddit
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
