but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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