needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
