MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
