Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
