Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
