I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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